|
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|||||||
Paternity Suit
A Dark Shadows Story
by
Terry S.Bowers
Bang. Bang. BANG!
"All rise. Collinsport Metaphysical Court Part Two is now in session. The
Honorable Frank N. Stein, Presiding."Bewildered, Barnabas Collins glanced at his surroundings. Most of the room
was in darkness, only the judge's bench and the witness box were
illuminated. He swallowed hard when a being who resembled Adam took the
bench, sat and banged the gavel once."The court will come to order. The case of Innocent Sweet Young Things
versus Barnabas Collins will now be heard. Are the Plaintiffs present?""They are, Your Honor."
Barnabas tried hard not to stare into the darkness. Innocent Sweet Young
Things? They? What was happening? He'd been awakened from a nap in the chair
by a loud pounding on the front door. When he answered it, he'd been
confronted by a being obviously not of the earth, and whisked away to he
didn't know where."And the Defendant?"
"Present, Your Honor."Barnabas glanced to his side, but was unable to see who had spoken. He
assumed it to be his attorney, but he'd like to see who - or what - was
defending him, and from what."Prosecution, call you first witness."
"The Prosecution calls Victoria Winters to the stand."
Barnabas blinked and the next second, a distraught and exhausted looking
Victoria Winters appeared in the witness box. At a nod from the judge,
Victoria took a deep breath and looked in the direction of the prosecuting
attorney."Please state your grievance with the defendant, Barnabas Collins."
"He's the father of my child."
"What?!"
Barnabas was shocked and did not see the scowl of disapproval sent his way
by the judge. Stein banged his gavel once to get everyone's attention."The Defendant will be silent. Proceed."
"I... I don't know how it happened. We were never... I mean, I was a virgin
when I got married, but the way Barnabas looked at me... When the baby was
born, I knew my husband, Peter Jeff Bradford Clark wasn't the father, he
couldn't be. He knew it too. He... he wouldn't buy the Immaculate Conception
story and he... he... ohhhhh!"Victoria's testimony dissolved into a fit a hysterical sobs and she was
removed from the witness stand."Your Honor, I offer as Prosecution Exhibit 1, this photo of the Winters child."
A large, holographic image of a child with hypnotic brown eyes, dark hair
with spiky bangs and vampire fangs was projected on the darkness above the
bench. It froze and moved off to the side as Barnabas stared at it."Your Honor, I now call Parallel Time Roxanne Drew to the stand."
"Roxanne."
Barnabas looked at her with longing when she appeared on the stand, but the
look she gave him made him swallow hard and step back a pace."Proceed, Miss Drew."
"Barnabas saved me from a fate worse than death in parallel time. He looked
at me with such love and devotion, he promised to take me with him, but he
left me behind. Then I learned I was... I was pregnant with his love
child... We never made love, we were never intimate, but when the child was
born, I knew, without question that he was the father. There was no
mistaking it."Another holographic image of another child with very similar features to the
first appeared in the darkness. It was obvious the two were siblings.
Barnabas gaped with open mouthed astonishment. But how? He'd wanted to do
the deed with both Vicki and Roxanne, but he never had. This wasn't making
sense."You may step down, Miss Drew."
Roxanne disappeared and in her place was Maggie Evans, or was it Josette, or
maybe Lady Kitty Hampshire. Barnabas shuddered with dread."He... he looked at me! And I was.. I was... I can't say it, it's too
shameful!... Oh, it was agony! Do yo know how hard it is for a reincarnated
ghost to give birth? And then, to see those eyes, those.... those fangs...
No! Oh God, no!!"Kitty/Josette/Maggie ran screaming from the courtroom as three images of
children sporting what were obviously Barnabas features appeared in the
darkness, and then moved to hover beside the other two that were already
there. Barnabas started, incredulous. Then he remembered to breathe and
wished he hadn't for in the next second a fury with blond hair and blue eyes
appeared before him."You unfaithful, deceitful bastard! I'm your wife and you never once did it
with me. You never once impregnated me, and we would have had incredibly
gifted and talented offspring. But no, you have to have it off with every
stupid bimbo you can lay your eyes on."Angelique's ire continued to grow until she was ordered removed from the
court for the safety of all present. The Judge turned a condemning eye on
Barnabas and nailed him with a look that made him sweat."Defend yourself, Barnabas Collins."
"I... I... Your Honor, I don't know what to say. I didn't know about any of
this. I admit to... courting each of the Ladies who appeared today, but
never once did I...""Do you deny those children resemble you?"
Barnabas looked at each of the five images again and shook his head in defeat.
"No, Your Honor. I do not understand it, but neither do I deny it."
"Your Honor, I have a witness who may be able to explain it."
"Call your witness, Defense."
There was a bit of restless whispering and rustling of cloth, then a
distant, disembodied voice called the witness."Doctor Julia Hoffman, come into the court."
The words repeated and echoed and Barnabas breathed a bit easier. Julia. She
would get him out of this.Julia appeared on the stand and did not even bother to look in Barnabas'
direction. He didn't like that."Proceed, Doctor Hoffman."
"Yes. As we all know, Barnabas Collins has been subjected to several bouts
of vampirism. This condition has resulted in a strengthening of all his
bodily functions, including his reproductive system. This has resulted in
his body producing... supersperm. It seems all he has to do is look at woman
in a certain way and she will be impregnated by him.""He's never looked at you that way, has he, my dear Doctor Hoffman?"
"Angelique Collins, be silent!"
Julia smirked and finally looked at Barnabas. She stood slowly to reveal her
obviously pregnant condition. A distant scream of jealous frustration echoed
through the court. Barnabas gasped, then remembered he had indeed looked at
Julia that way, when he'd nearly lost her to the ghost of Gerard
Stiles/Judah Zachary in 1995, but he knew for certain they'd never gotten it on."Is there anything to be done to prevent this from happening again?"
"Other than castration, and I'm not even sure that would be effective, no, I
don't think so, Your Honor. This is a little beyond the realms of modern
medical science.""Thank you, you may step down."
Julia moved to do just that, but went pale, grunted and squatted down.
Moments later she held up the newborn infant, who sported Barnabas Collins
eyes, hair and fangs. He shook his head and dropped into his chair. Julia
was helped from the stand as the judge once again banged the gavel."The Defendant will stand."
Barnabas rose unsteadily to his feet. He stared up at the images of the
children then across the room to where Julia sat, nursing the newborn. She
alone didn't seem distressed by the circumstances of the child's conception
and birth. Barnabas looked at the judge, who was glaring at him."The Court rules in favor of the Plaintiffs. Barnabas Collins, you are
ordered to pay child support until each of your offspring reaches age 21.
You are also to pay all expenses incurred by the mothers in regards to
special medical and educational needs for the rest of each child's natural
life. To be certain this never happens again, you will be kept in isolation
where you will be given proper employment to assure your compliance with
your court ordered financial responsibilities. Is this clearly understood?""Yes, Your Honor."
"Court is adjourned."
"All rise."
Barnabas watched as the judge lumbered out of the courtroom, then he glanced
across the room to where Julia sat. She met his gaze, smiled, and handed her
child over to a nurse. She stood and followed the judge from the courtroom.
Moments later she returned, and approached Barnabas where he still stood in
shock. She smiled. Barnabas felt his breath catch in his throat."Julia?"
"I have convinced the judge not to keep you in isolation, Barnabas."
"Thank you, but how, why? Who?"
"He has released you into my custody, and says we may do as we like, so long
as I do not help you make your financial payments, and so long as any future
children we have are conceived in the normal way. In other words, Barnabas
Collins, don't you *dare* look at another woman."He nodded dumbly as he met Julia's triumphant gaze. Slowly he returned
Julia's smile.
Barnabas Collins woke with a start and took a deep breath. The dream came
back to him full force and he couldn't resist taking a look at a certain
part of his anatomy to be sure everything was as it should be. He looked
across the bed to where his wife's pregnant form slumbered peacefully. He
knew expectant mothers often had nightmares concerning the child they
carried, but he didn't know expectant fathers did as well.
Taking another deep breath, Barnabas settled himself back down on the
mattress, and curled against Julia's back, reaching over her middle to
gently caress her abdomen and the child she carried. They had not planned on
becoming parents, but were excited about the prospect. Barnabas just hoped
this was the only nightmare he had.
He yawned and settled down to sleep, chuckling to himself. Supersperm
indeed. He'd have to tell Julia about it in the morning.The End
My Award from the DSTW!
This Dark ShadowsTribute Ringlink site is owned by Susan Bowers
Dark Shadows is a Dan Curtis Production, all rights reserved.
